frenchpress and i have been going
to a "seekers class" at Woodmont Hills for a
little while now, and it's always difficult
(or perhaps i just overcomplicate it) for me
to explain what the class is and what it is to
me in particular. i've begun and erased a few
entries on it already, but here goes . . .
( a faltering but persistent attempt )

Tags: church, community
Current Location: our "reading nook"
subconscious undercurrent: contemplative
soundtrack: ferrets getting into trouble

in a quick follow-up to my last post,
the equality riders have posted on their site about their ACU experience.

two brief excerpts:
It struck me when we first arrived in the room to eat dinner that the smallest of courtesies -- providing us with name tags -- indicated that they cared about who we were and wanted to get to know us as individuals.

Abilene Christian welcomed us with open arms and permitted us to have these discussions with students. We sat together at the table of brother- and sisterhood, acknowledging both our disagreements and our shared humanity. No other school has given us such a welcome, and for this we applaud the administration of ACU. We were told by individuals within the administration that conversations had taken place that day that could not have happened in the classroom. Students were given the safe space necessary to ask the hard questions and, in some cases, sit with a lack of answers. We stand in the tension and wait, believing that the willingness to approach tough issues and deal with ambiguity will lead us to a place of reconciliation in the end.

of course, it wasn't all puppies and hugs, as you can read in the full post,
but i am satisfied that the Abilene experience was, above all other disagreements and difficult conversations, loving.

Tags: acu, dialogue, gay

the equality ride made its way to my alma mater, acu, on monday.
i was nervous about it, considering the ways in which the love of
christ was offered to the riders by way of police, barricades, and
trespassing arrests at several of the other universities they tried.

and my stomach clenched when i heard students cheering and
clapping when acu president royce money announced in chapel
the possibility of meeting the equality riders with a similar blue-
uniformed reception - a possibility he quickly discounted, noting
that they had chosen instead to treat them with dignity and respect.

in all, as you can hear in the full chapel speech, as posted by my
friend matt on his blog, i think that dr. money handled announcing
this rather well. i'm so glad that the administration chose to receive
the equality riders respectfully and peacefully.

i'm grateful that he specifically addressed that people who might
have strong negative feelings should probably steer clear, saying
that there was not to be any "acting out" against the riders in any
way.

of course, as noted by pendulous, by the time we knew to worry
about it on monday, it was already happening. and, although the
riders themselves have yet to blog about the experience, the acu
website has an article on their front page which indicates that the
conversations and visit went smoothly, lovingly, and peaceably.

i am anxious to hear from the perspective of the riders, and matt
is hoping to get some of them to guest post on his blog.

( a connected remembrance & a more reflections )

Tags: acu, dialogue, gay
subconscious undercurrent: contemplative

the night sky blushes
holding the light like a breath
it says, 'shh,' be still

---

i love the silence and the forceful stillness
that comes with the cover of snow on the
ground and the cars and the trees and the
way the cloudy, overcast sky refracts all of
the city lights, leaving this rosy glow to the
night, and i feel so still within myself as i
lay here and type and look out the window,
i feel such resonance with this weather, like
i'm whistling the same silent tune with God

it is finally winter
it is finally winter
and it is well, it is well

oh my soul.

just found a couple shots of me from kestrel618 and boldar's wedding down in huntsville last weekend.

( for those of you who only see me in black tank tops )

Tags: wedding
soundtrack: the man comes around - johnny cash

blackberries cradled in one hand and
coffee cup small and blue clutched
in the other, taking bitter sips and
picking seeds from between my teeth
with fingertips stained purple,
standing thoughtful staring off into
the darkening dusking day fading
savoring the simple sweet tastes
slightly mindless lounging against
the cold concrete countertop
cracking seeds with my canines
no customers no lines, just small
contented sighs escaping me
like steam from this coffee

subconscious undercurrent: beat poet-y

i'm disappointed and a bit angry that NBC Channel 4
pulled The Book of Daniel, a show that has come under fire
from none other than our beloved American Family Association.
the AFA perhaps first gained notoriety due to its strident
boycott of the series NYPD Blue a few years back.

( more thoughts on the subject )

Tags: jesus
subconscious undercurrent: swiftly fading outrage

it was all a nothing and a man was a nothing too.
it was only that and light was all it needed
and a certain cleanness and order.

from hemingway's short story, a clean, well lighted place.

pendulous and i cleaned and rearranged
our apartment this past weekend (pendulous did most of it),
in part to give our roomie, comfortadore some
more space, and in part simply because it was time
to move this to there, and all that away.

and as i walked through the place afterwards, i was
amazed at the sense of delight that welled up within
me. windows open, light streaming across the empty
floors, objects ordered in a certain way, bookshelves
(of which we have many) brimming with books, and
furniture set with care into positions that felt right.

not out of a sense of duty, of should, or of my
perfectionistic tendencies, of must, but simply
out of a desire to have a living space that is not so
fettered by the steady accretion of objects and stuff.

to have an unfettered space of one's own. open, ordered.

for a large portion of my life, i gave little thought to
this sort of thing, to the tidying and organizing of my
various possessions and places. but as i grow older, i
grow to appreciate anything that may be done to create
a place of rest, a place of balance, of peace, of well-being.

there is an inward rightness to it, and a resting, and it's good.

a quiet christmas with frenchpress, my love.
first time to spend the holidays sans family for both of us.
waffle house for christmas lunch, veggie sloppy joes for dinner.
a precious laid-back holiday with her. batman blanket snuggly.
it's a wonderful life was unrememberedly(real word?) gritty, witty and weepy.

last night, had the privilege of picking up up pendulous and maehymn
from the port'o'air at separate times. sadly,maehymn's last day in nashville.
pendulous's return was welcome - i grudgingly admit that his blood family has
some small claim on his presence, but i do miss my brother when he's gone.
after the respective taxi trips, i went to close up caffeine.

i used to close up more often,
and would find myself slouched
wearily on a stool, slightly too tired
to drive home just yet, entranced
by x-files reruns at three am
or emerging at four to find rain,
rain shining silver in the streetlights,
washing over my upturned face
as i close my eyes and breathe in
the wet, living scent of the storm.

in closing, i reluctantly admit that

in the year 2006 i resolve to: poke a badger with a spoon. get your resolution here

but only in love, friend badger . . . only in love.

these cold days in which
a veces, or, at times,
silence finds my cynicism
overwhelmed, overcome,

and in that wake, wonder.

rise up solstice-child, little me,
lay the grown-up self to rest,

reach out your hands.

( some context: three points of connection )
i learned a new phrase today which resonated in me:
the opposite of déjà vu, unexpected familiarity
is jamais vu, unexpected unfamiliarity, which falls
into line with viktor shklovsky's term defamiliarization.

jamais vu, welcome estrangement,
i long to experience people as new
to see with new eyes,
hear with new ears.
may everything be new again.

Tags: homeless, jamais vu, poem
subconscious undercurrent: quiet
soundtrack: silencio